Want a Moroccan husband?

I thought I'd do a separate post on this topic since I feel that it is important, but also quite the story! It's a bit wordy with no pics. Just a warning in case you want to pass.

I had my reservations about traveling solo as a female in Morocco. It seemed safe though and being the stubborn, driven person that I can be, I decided to go solo anyhow. I was prepared for the usual cat calls I got in Istanbul. The streets were surprisingly not as bad as I expected. I put my sunglasses on, hat over my head and focused straight forward. I ignored all comments and did not let myself be bothered.

Yes, every foot I walked I addressed by men:
"Japon! Japon!" (Yes, I am being called a country yet again)
When I didn't respond, then, "Korea. China."
"Konichiwa. Nee how." (Um, try "hello")

My favorite and most original:
"Mitsubishi!" (Wow ... I am being called a Japanese car. Nice. Pretty creative.)

Dress:
Since Morocco is a predominantly Muslim country, I always wore long pants or long skirts, and sleeves. In the 100+ heat I never wore my beloved tank tops.

I wore my "wedding band" that always accompanies me on my solo travels. When guys asked "Boyfriend?" I'd point to my ring and say "Husband." I even carried a picture of my "daughter," my 6 year old niece.

My "wedding" ring
I have been "married" during the past 5 summers.

The outside markets were fine. I got a few invitations to the discoteque that I politely declined. No one truly bothered me. I have a high tolerance to these shenanigans. BUT, little did I know that where I needed my guard most was inside what I thought were safe zones.

Incident #1: My riad.
One night, my nonexistent Arabic and French could not communicate to the cabbie how to get back to my riad. What should have taken 20 minutes ended up taking 2 hours via public bus and getting terribly lost in the medina.

Finally, I arrived at my riad at 11 pm, grateful and tired. Rashid, the owners' cousin, opened the door. I declined the invitation to tea, but he beckoned me to the sitting room. Not wanting to be rude, I went. He was in my personal space with his arm tightly around me trying to teach me how to say "Essaouira" and attempting to sneak side kisses. Is this customary? Where is the line? I started to get up, then he said "Hamid (the owner) is coming." OK, so am I suppose to wait? Rashid goes away and returns with something for me.

I open it. It's lotion (half used). Eh? He starts to massage my neck with it. Not cool. I stand up and start to leave, but he pulls me in tighter pressing against me. The line has definitely been crossed. I break free without too much resistance on his end and go straight upstairs.

Seriously?! Did that just happen?!? I securely lock my room door.

Incident #2: The desert tent
Yes, there is a second incident. The next night, Lisa and Kevin (the friendly Dutch couple) and I are in the desert. We are sitting about 100 meters outside our tent in the desert when Daoued, our guide, beckons me to the tent to show me how to turn off the gas light. He leads me by the hand. He shows me to turn the knob to the right. Not that difficult. Righty tighty.

Then I start to walk back out the tent door when he grabs me and pulls me aside such that we can not be seen from the outside. Seriously?! He has his arm around me now in a side hug (Really? Again?).

- "Let me kiss you." Daoued says.
- "NO" I reply firmly, not looking at him because that would bring me too close to his face. Do you really think I'm going to kiss a random Moroccan guy in the desert?
- "Let me kiss you on the lips." he tries again. So he can not speak English but this phrase he knows? What a great pick up line. At least he's being polite and asking.
- "NO" and I spin out of his hold and walk straight out of the tent.

He stops me in front of the tent in clear view, and offers me his "family" ring which I decline. He forces it into my hand. When I get back out to Lisa and Kevin I said half jokingly and half seriously "If one more Moroccan guy tries to kiss me ..." They were shocked!

Did you think I would be silent?
What makes it OK for these men to behave like this? After much thinking, I have two possibilities:
1. It is OK in Moroccan culture, or Moroccan women do not resist these advances.
2. They have had success before with single female travelers.

Behind closed doors is fair game? Apparently it is not ok to have a boyfriend & girlfriend sleep next to each other outside the tent, but it is OK to make advances on a stranger inside the tent out of sight? hmm...

In addition, I think they think they can trade goods for these encounters (ie. lotion and rings apparently which I left in in the riad and tent. No trade here.), or buy my silence. But they thought wrong!

With the help of Lisa, I told our riad owner, Hamid, about Daoued in the desert. So Daoued may get fired or at least reprimanded. I also wrote a note to Hamid explaining what his cousin did to me, and posted a comment on hostelworld.com so other travelers are aware. I've also told other female travelers in Morocco, who were shocked. They were traveling in pairs. Apparently only I got this special treatment. Lucky me.

Gratefully not once did I feel truly threatened or in danger (so there is no need to worry if you are reading this, mom). I was able to break free without resistance both times.

And that's my story. Despite it, I still loved the country, had a great time and am glad I went. Unfortunately, these are the facts that I, and other solo female travelers, have to face which guys don't have to deal with. I know I'm not the first or the last. So, if anyone wants a Moroccan husband, you know where to go!

But for me, now I'm off to meet "my husband" in Casablanca ("my friend Sharlene" got replaced with the phrase "my husband" because that just seemed easier).

The chill beach and scorching desert

Essaouira

I read about this coastal town in Lonely Planet and just had to go...

View from the main square of the coast of Essaouira

Moroccans enjoying the peaceful view too.

Small narrow alleys that I loved exploring.

The town was manageable enough that you could wander aimlessly without the fear of getting too lost. It had a chill atmosphere and temperature.

Gallery hopping.

There's a small art community here promoting local talents.

Fresh seafood! Pick and grill.

Is it crazy that I took a 3 our bus ride to this town because I wanted freshly grilled fish? You literally just point to what you want and they grill it for you right there and pair it with a nice salty salad and bread. Delicious!

My one day here was not enough. I would have loved to stay a few nights and try some wind surfing or at least walk to length of the beach. It was a very windy town that was a cool 75F which was a relief from desert heat. But alas, I wanted to see the desert too, so I departed.

To Zagora desert

I was determined to get on a camel. So when I was told that I could do a short overnight camel trek to the desert, I couldn't pass it up. I went with a dutch couple, Lisa and Kevin, and our local driver, Abdula. It was an 8-9 hour drive from Marrakech, which was enjoyable because of the company and beautiful scenery. Abdula was a fabulous (and safe!) driver and person. He spoke some English so we were able to prod him into revealing many wonderful insights into Moroccan culture and mindsets.

Enoying a quick stop while going over the High Atlas Mountains through the Tizi N'Tichla pass which peaks at 4167 meters.

We passed through many Berber villages made of clay, which you can see in the background. Berber people are indigenous Moroccans that live in the mountainside. They have their own unique culture and language.

Ait Benhaddhou

On the other side of the mountains, we stopped at this much filmed red brick kabash, a fortress city where a leader could retreat to when under attack. Gladiator was filmed here!!! I've seen that movie probably a dozen times. Shinae and I had a banner in our room afterall ("What you do here echoes in eternity.") This was a pleasant unexpected stop.

We also stopped by Ouarzazate for lunch which Abdula deemed as "Mollywood." It's a Hollywood built and funded city used solely for the purposes of filming movies. Very bizzare.

Moroccan mint tea.

I love it! It's actually Chinese green tea seeped with fresh mint leaves and a ton of sugar. We took many tea and coffee stops on our drive.

At last on my camel, Saber!

Lisa trying to control her camel, Lemur

Camels were actually the most comfty and easiest to ride compared to elephants (a little too much swaying way up there) and horses (which can gallop and toss you off).

We didn't go to the famous section of the Sahara desert with huge rolling sand dunes, but this will have to suffice.

Ah, the Sahara Desert in the Draa valley

Known more for rocky lunar landscapes. Sure, I can pretend I'm on the moon.

Lisa and Kevin sleeping outside the tent.

I slept to the left of Lisa. The conservative Islamic culture would not permit Lisa and Kevin to sleep next to each other outside. It was much cooler to sleep outside and we fell asleep under amazing stars at night.

Rise and shine camels!

Waking up to the peace and quite of sunrise was a definitely highlight.

Lemur and Saber chatting a bit before we take off at 7 am.

Here we go.

Lisa and I at a scenic point while winding through mountains on our long 9 hour drive back.

I'm so glad that I had Lisa and Kevin on this desert trip and Abdula as our driver. We had many laughs and learned many insights into Moroccan culture thanks to Abdula such as
1. You are allowed 4 wives legally, but each wife must sign a contract now allowing the other wives.
2. Abdula at first wanted 3 wives, but then reconsidered saying "One is already too much. Women complain too much."
3. About 85% of Moroccans don't drink due to religion.
4. how to spell Morocco due to our favorite Moroccan rap song "M-O-R-O-C-C-O. What does that spell? Morocco! Where are you from? Morocco!"

As a reward for the long drive and being dirty in the desert, we went to the local hamman, bathhouse, with a sweet, fun local woman who works with our Riad. It was great to get really clean and to see the hamman culture. Women and men go about once a week. There were crying kids, lots of steam, mud and scrubbing.

Already, I felt like I'd gotten some great insight into culture and had seen so much of the beautiful country.

Off via train to meet Sharlene in Casa... but, first a little story on some special insights I had here thanks to the Moroccan men.

Morocco: A wandering day in Marrakech

Part 1: Marrakech

After flying from Copenhagen to Stansted airport in London, then transferring to a different London airport at 1 am and spending the night there (the joys of budget traveling), I arrived in the morning a bit tired, but ready to tackle Morocco solo!

Door to my room in my riad at stayed in.

Riads are traditional houses in Morocco. Staying in one gives you a glimpse into Moroccan culture. It literally means 'courtyard'.

Typical smaller street in the medina, the old walled-in part of the city.

Encountering locals on a stroll.

My first order of business was food of course, but I got distracted along the way by...

a monkey in a red dress!
At the Famous Djemma el-Fna, a UNESCO street theater.

I was both amused and appalled. He had a friend in a purple dress. I would never fathom putting my Rudy or Astro in dress.

Freshly squeezed OJ carts.

I got side-tracked again with a glass which cost 3 Dirhams (less than 50 cents). So delicious and sweet! These saved me.

Lunch at last!

Tagines: typical dish of stew baked in a clay pot.

My tagine for lunch with meat and an egg. You eat it by dipping bread.
Found it at a hole-in-the-wall, my favorite type of places.

The food was sooooo delicious! Dishes were filled with fragrant spices. Meat was cooked to tender perfection and the combination of fresh ingredients made for several scrumptuous meals. And best of all, meals could be acquired from 5 Dh on the cheap end to 60 Dh on the expensive end (50 cents to $8). Typical meal like the one above was about $3.

Meandering ...

Most of the joy of Marrakech is just wandering aimlessly. Even with my good sense of direction, I definitely got lost more than once. Straight streets and street names are non-existent. And I can't look lost or ask for directions since men or boys will try to charge me money to take me somewhere. That's part of the excitement. You never know what you are going to find, but it's also one of the difficulties.

But, there are few designated sights to see. After much searching, I found ...

Ali ben Yousseff Medersa

Beautiful tiled building where students studied Islam beginning in the 14th century. Now it is no longer in use. 99% of Moroccans today are Muslim.

I loved the tile-work.
It reminded me of the medersas in Uzbekistan.

The Souks: These are the famous markets in the medina.
Getting lost in the souks.
All the men sit out front.

Silver products are pretty known in Marrekech.

Leather shoes!
Moroccan leather is pretty nice. I opted for cute red flats for work instead of the traditional yellow pointy slippers you see above.

They sell everything here from tourist-y goods to leather to spices to cleaning products. My favorite was wandering around the tiny side streets where I found random things like livestock stalls and bird cage making. I definitely got lost in the maze, but thankfully did not have to pay any little kid to get me out.

Dinner with the local men.

My meal strategy is to find a crowded place with locals. After sitting at such a food stall, I scan the table more closely ... sheep heads, tongues (OK...) but then... sheep brains! Sorry, when dissection specimen are on the dinner table, that is NOT OK. I eat staring at my plate. The locals, who in turn are staring at me, ask "good?". To be fair, they gave me tasty 'normal' meat, but my top-down brain tried to say otherwise. I stopped when I found a "friend" in my dish. Regardless, this meal was entertaining for all. Local meals have always been great opportunities to peek into local culture. At the end, they were so amused by me that THEY asked to take the picture above.

Djemma el-Fma comes to life at night.

Story-tellers, henna artists (it's amazing I remained unpainted), our monkey friends, snake charmers, fortune tellers, acrobats, food stalls and many more abound. Just as the city was waking up, I said good night to Marrakech and all its eye-candy.

Hej København again!

It's been 10 years since I studied abroad in Copenhagen, a place very dear to my heart. Sharlene, who I met in Copenhagen, and I decided to do a 10 year reunion. It was surprising how much we remembered. No guidebook was needed. We just let our memories lead. Check our Sharlene's blog too for more pics. Ready to take a journey with me into what fueled my wanderlust desires?

Radhusplasen government building.
I biked pass here everyday to get to the city center.

View at the planetarium at the end of the 5 man made lakes.

Standing in front of my flat.
It was easy to locate again as it was right next to the planetarium and blue in the Vesterbro hood.

Inside the black diamond library

Sharlene and I spent many hours studying here. My huge Queen Mary Psalter was on reserve here for my paper for my Midevil Art History course. Say what?! Not biology? Yup, I took Soren Kierkegard philosophy, Art History, Danish culture and language. A different and fun semester indeed.

Our beloved grocery store - Netto!

My neighborhood one was no longer there though due to an upscaling of the area.

Neighborhood street in Norrebro with our friend Leigh-Anne's flat (the brick one).

We were somewhat surprised that we found it. The key marker was the Mexibar across the street!

We biked everywhere as our trasnport, even in subzero weather with windchills and pouring rain. It was weird walking around Copenhagen, but soon, Shar and I found citibikes and were back on wheels.

Biking to Sharlene's flat.

I only wish New York had bike lanes! No helmet needed nor massive kryptonite chains

Sharlene in front of her flat, maybe?

After the 30 minute ride from my flat to hers in the Osterbro hood which we did so many times, we arrived at her apt complex, but Shar couldn't remember exactly which one was her.

Malmø, Sweden, for a day

What? Sweden, again?! Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's only a half an our train ride to Sweden. I must've went at least 4 times when living in Copenhagen. On our second day, Sharlene and I trained over on a "family" ticket for the day to visit Shar's friend, Pernilla.

Pernilla and Shar pildammsparken.
Eating typical open faced shrimp sandwiches.

In city center of Malmo.

Oddly, these statues are one of the main things I remember about the town. I have the exact same pic 10 years ago. Malmo has changed a lot since then.

The uber modern Turning Torso.

We don't remember this. That's because it was built about 8 years ago.

How Swedes enjoying the hottest day of the year.

These public piers and beaches are new for Malmo, and also in Copenhagen. Lucky for us, we also experienced the heat wave.

Pernilla was an awesome host to her city! Thanks a million. It definitely made me really like Malmo.

Back to København
in time for a concert.

Efterklang at Charlottenborg.

Shar and I are both big concert fans so it was fitting that we got to see a concert at the Copenhagen Jazz Festival while we were there. This outdoor venue in a lovely courtyard was perfect. Efterklang was pretty amazing. They kept saying guten tak (thanks very much).

Enjoying some pastries!

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm serious about food, and especially bakeries. And, as Shar says "The Danes can sure bake!" We frequented this new phenomonal chain bakery 3 times. We got by on baked goods and shwarma pizza (that's what we remember about our Danish food) in Denmark.

On our last day, we hopped on citbikes again to go to Amager Island to check out something old (our university) and something new (island brygge pier).

Kobenhavn University Humanities Campus.

We were shocked to see that it was being demolished!
A brand new building was built behind it.

I think it's funny how I was so surprised to see new things in the city. I expected it to be exactly as I remembered, but of course it changes in 10 years! I just think about how much NYC has changed since I moved there.

But some things will always remain...

Hans Christian Anderson and me.

I was sad that I never took a pic with hiim 10 years ago, but here he is again, waiting for my return.

We wondered why we didn't picnic more when we lived here. Oh yeah, we were here in the fall in winter = cold, dark and rainy.

Enjoying a picnic lunch at a local park with local sandwiches.

Shar and me
Just a few California - New York girls with a little Dane at heart.

It was an awesome 3 days riding through memory lane. A lot has happened in the past 10 years, but we will always have a little part of Dane in us. We already pondered another reunion in 10 years. Perhaps we will leave impending kids and husbands behind. What will we find then?

Coming up ... Morocco and some old and new Europe.

It feels weird posting this 2 weeks in advance, and not T+20 min after I'm suppose to leave for the airport. What is going on?! Well, for starters, I am NOT teaching this summer! I really had to restrain myself. There were a few excellent opportunities that tempted me, but for my sanity, I had to pass. Now, this also meant that I wanted to go crazy and travel everywhere and for a LONG time, but again, my friends had to tell me "NO." I am forcing myself to have downtime in New York. What?! Yes, I, who have never stayed still in NYC, am attempting a staycation. No more leaving the second I am done with something, or taking red eye flights right into work. Again, trying to regain sanity. I'll let you know how that goes. This means I have a few weeks of downtime before heading out. As usual, I bought my plane tickets 3 weeks before departure. I have an arrival and departure city, and nothing finalized for in between. Not satisfied with the usual Europe, I am finagling at least a week in Morocco. Sometimes I get these ideas about where I want to travel and am really stubborn about it!

The rough plan is to fly into Copenhagen where Sharlene and I will have our 10 (!!!) year reunion. Then go to London where Shar is currently working and to Morocco which will be partly solo and partly with Shar. Then end with Ireland to meet up with Shinae. Why Ireland? Yes, it seems a bit odd for me, and frankly was not on my list of places, but apparently all (cheap) flights point to Dublin. So, travels are almost as predicted from summer 2009. Instead of a second trip to Argentina, I will dutifully and gladly visit California. See, I AM trying to slow down. So, there we have it. Summer 2010!

Stay tuned...